Okay, so I have to point out that bringing my gender identity into this is a little outdated. Don't get me wrong, it's become patently obvious that wherever you're from, it's so far pre-Industrial Revolution that child labour laws aren't even a twinkle up a villainous property owner's ass, so I understand that 'outdated' is a relative term. But I'd prefer if you'd cool it on anything like that.

Rather than getting into the whole 'God' thing, I'd like to point out that the ascension of my soul isn't exactly an option. Apparently it goes straight to the moon and then back into the same stupid vessel it's been stuck with ever since some buck-toothed dork LARPed his way through bringing me into existence, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred indulgences. Heaven's so much not an option that it feels embarrassing to refer to this as Purgatory even by analogy.

Plus, I'm guessing you can't drive